Friday, January 18, 2013

A Little Advice For Fellow Crazies

Last weekend I finally got to see Silver Linings Playbook. I'd read the book which captured the feeling of being out of control crazy so well. Reading is my drug, my escape from reality. I've been obsessive about it since I learned how. And I can still become completely lost in a world on the page. In fact, when the real world became to hard to deal with as a kid, when the anxiety issues were developing I escaped to the worlds inside books because they made me feel safe. Um, perhaps not the healthiest reason to become a voracious reader, but still way better than a heroin addiction or alcoholism.

This is probably low-brow sacrilege, but for me it is less about the quality of writing and more about if the author has been able to perfectly capture a piece of what it means to be human. Did I enjoy Twilight? Hell yeah. Was I kind of horrified and embarrassed by the writing? Yup. But getting caught up in the love story, no matter how stupid it was, enabled me to get over the painful prose. I'm a big rereader and Twilight doesn't make the cut in that department. The Harry Potter series will be read by me for the rest of my life. I'll return to Ann Patchett's world, or Geraldine Brook's, or Michael Chabon's, or John Steinbeck's. The beauty of the writing doesn't matter to me, the beauty of the story does.

Um, sorry. Major tangent. Back to Silver Linings Playbook...the movie was great. It wasn't a particularly faithful adaptation, in fact the father character was completely different, but it still communicated that feeling of unbridled crazy in which you are making no sense, but feel like you are totally lucid. It scared me to remember living that, but made me feel better about where I am at the same time. Ok, things are bad right now. It is important to remember that they are nowhere near as bad as they were back when I had my breakdown. I mean, I know I'm being crazy. The problem with crazy people arises when they have no idea they are nuts.

Going to the movies was a good couple of hours, I laughed, I cried, I enjoyed the hell out of Robert De Niro. But here's the thing, folks. And I'm not giving anything away, but this is the story of two crazy people falling in love. I told one of my dearest friends about it, someone who also deals with the crazy and he immediately knew what I was talking about. "Oh no." he said. "There can't be two crazy people together. That's breaking the rules." And it's true. Every crazy person knows you can't be in a relationship with another crazy person. You just can't. Because....that is bat shit crazy. It's in the handbook we get when we are welcomed into the club. There needs to be one person in touch with reality at all times in a relationship. If you are the only crazy do you run the risk of always being the bad guy? Might the whole world pity your spouse for what s/he puts up with? Yes. So...speak up for yourself. Being crazy doesn't make your partner right all the time. Your illness isn't an excuse for that other person to not work at the relationship. No matter how bad things get your husband (or whatever) is not your parent. But two crazy people? That is just fucking insane.  Good movie, though.

Yes, please find someone who is completely and totally normal.
Photo by Ellie Leonardsmith 

T would spend all day every day getting tickled if he could. It is really rather strange.

All of a sudden he isn't a baby anymore. Not sure I'm comfortable with that.


  1. Charlie looks so.....handsome & grown up. Cutie. I agree that there can only be one crazy person in a relationship. My husband Phil helps keep me grounded. The yin to my yang or vice versa.

    1. Thanks about C, Noelle.

      Yeah, I was trying to be funny. And I'm sure there are two crazy people out there who can totally make it work. But speaking from experience I definitely need the normal person.