Monday, November 26, 2012


Dude, I love gossip. When Z gets home from work the first question I ask him is, "Any juicy gossip today?" If he is in a gossip dry spell I start to threaten him, "Don't come home if you don't have gossip." or "I'm not making you dinner if you don't have gossip." What? I'm a stay at home Mom. I need something to help get me through the day. You know, besides being completely contented by spending every waking moment with my wonderful children....

So yes, gossip. I'm pretty shameless in my adoration of hearing other folk's business. The other day someone told me that a couple we both know almost got a divorce a couple of years ago. I found myself supremely bored. My reply was that I'm pretty sure that every couple I know who have been married more than a decade have almost split up at some point. We sure as hell nearly did-took us less than five years.

Perhaps there are long term marrieds out there who have been happy for their whole relationship. If any of you mythical folks are reading, please identify yourselves! You are amazing! You should totally consider a career in mediation.

The best part of marriage is not being alone. The worst part of marriage is not being alone. Yes, you get a partner in life-for the hard parts and for the fun parts. But you also have to think about someone else's needs when it come to fucking everything. Life becomes a negotiation. Add kids to the mix and your personal needs are pushed even further into the background. As someone who is not naturally selfless this has been one of the biggest struggles of my adult life. I desperately wanted to not be alone as an adult when I was a kid. I got my wish. But nothing is ever straightforward. I didn't completely understand what I was asking for. I knew marriage would be hard, but I had no idea what a struggle it would be. I had no idea that sharing my life would be a sacrifice as well as the most fulfilling thing I'd ever do.

So why don't we talk about this stuff? Why is there a stigma to almost splitting up? Hell, why is there a stigma to actually splitting up? Making it in a marriage does not indicate you are superior to those who don't. Because who knows if you will get to "till death do us part" until you actually die? Life is hard, marriage is hard, relationships are hard. Wouldn't it make it a smidge easier if we could talk about that openly?

 I mean, come on, wouldn't you fight to stay married to someone who can pull off a hat like this?

Or who could talk himself out if tight spots? Z totally got T to stand down. 

Or who (with our friend C) made awesome improvements to T's X Wing fighter?

Hey! C has started to take a few steps! My kiddos have both been on the late side of the walking game. T was 15 1/2 months when he one day decided to walk and never looked back. C will be 15 months at the end of the month. We still need to really encourage him to take steps, but he'll get there. And major thanks to the sweet girls who worked with him until he did it! Family does rock.


  1. You make me feel so good. I recall when I was growing up I wanted to have two daughters, be a writer, be married, etc. But I never once held in my mind that the person/thing/entity I married might actually have needs wants and desires and not just be that thing that provides for me.

    I think "But you also have to think about someone else's needs when it come to fucking everything." should be part of the wedding vows.

    1. Perhaps it can be added during a vow renewal in your future...

  2. 12+ years in there hasn't been a day when I wanted out. I wouldn't mind a vacation from the kids from time to time, but I am grateful every day that I am taking this ride with Dave. We have had our miscommunications and frustrations, but overall he makes me want to be a better person and I hope I do the same for him. I know that we can't predict the future, but I am generally an optimist and think that the good thing we have got will continue on. I do think that it is really important for everyone to understand that marriage requires real compromise, selflessness, sacrifice, and communication, especially when it is hard. That should be more spelled out in vows!

    1. M-you know what? You are one of the few people I not only believe never has wanted out of your marriage, I actually feel completely non-snarky and sincerely happy that you're marriage has played out that way. You and D are simply kind and good people. I look up to you both.

  3. Please, I love your snarkiness...and we are only 12 years in, still plenty of time to go!