Sunday, September 9, 2012

The Baby Turned One

So much has happened in the week and a half since I last posted-C turned one, Z and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary, class started, my parents visited, I wrote my first paper since 1999, and I attended my very first state fair where I managed to have an anxiety attack just as we approached the huge butter sculpture. So I'm going to try and do a bunch of shorter posts this week to catch up. I say that now...not sure if it will actually happen.
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Very quickly: the class is awesome. As much as I enjoy being in a professional kitchen with its familiar smells and all that stainless steel, I love the seminar component even more. The first readings we discussed were by Wendell Berry and Michael Pollan, so really accessible stuff, but when it comes to the food movement these are the big guys. Food Studies is a relatively new field of interest in academia. There aren't many programs in the US, and one is being developed at SU right now. The class has filled me with excitement and urgency, and I want to figure out how to go to grad school to study food issues.
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My sweet baby turned one on August 31st and is now officially a toddler. 
Z and I have pretty much come to the conclusion that we are done in the baby making department. We are older parents, Z will be 40 on his next birthday. If we had started years earlier a third kid would have been a no brainer, but we made different choices and I think they were the best choices for us. The thing is, right now we feel like we are stuck in purgatory. Friends keep telling us it will get less grueling, but we want our life back a little bit. We want an amazing night of sleep every once in a while. We want to not spend over an hour a night getting the boys ready and into bed. We want them to be able to occupy themselves for a few hours and give us a fucking break. What it comes down to is that we just can't wrap our minds around extending this purgatory for two more years.

On Tuesday I happened to see two newborns in my travels. My heart ached so much when I looked at both babies that tears came to my eyes. Forget my heart, my boobs ached. I'm still nursing, but haven't leaked all over the place in public for ages. The milk managed to stay put on Tuesday, but it was close. I want another baby. After spending time with some truly amazing young ladies I'm even getting over my girl baby fear a bit and would kind of like to see if we would get a daughter out of the third try.

But, you know, I also want a pony. Ok, not a pony. Hmm, I also really want an apartment in NYC. And some self confidence. And to dress with elegance and panache. And for really thick, curly, red hair. None of these things are going to magically come true. Which is actually fine because the reality is we are happy in our lives right now in this family. We are happy. It's crazy to type and I sort of feel like I'm jinxing something, but it is true. We are happy, we recognize it, and we feel lucky and grateful. I want another kid, but I want us to get out of purgatory even more. So no third baby for us. Unless it's an accident. In that case I'd like us all to pretend that this post never happened and act super excited and thrilled. Also, who the hell knows? Maybe we change our minds next month. Maybe a third baby is a perfect idea a bit later.

For all three of T's birthdays I've done Star Wars stuff, for Z as much as for him. C was born with a "stork bite" birthmark shaped like a lightening bolt on his forehead. It's fading, but you can still see it. He's my little Harry Potter and that's what I decided to go with when it came to making decorations for his cupcakes. While sipping a hard cider and watching TV I made some sorting hats, snitches, and lightening bolts. 

 Here's the finished product. 

Singing happy birthday to C. T just wanted to get the song over with so he could dig in. He chose a snitch cupcake. We gave C a lightening bolt one to go with his birthmark. 

He loved it.

Our sweet C. He has been an absolute delight. I still don't understand how my anxiety-ridden body produced such a happy little human. He is so straightforward and angst free. His default setting is content. When he gets hurt or frustrated he lets us know, but he is simple to soothe with a hug and a kiss. His joy at seeing us in the morning, or when Z comes home from work makes us feel completely loved. He watches his brother like a hawk; the hero worship has already begun. The two boys can crack each other up over and over. Z and I don't get what's so funny, but we love that they already have inside jokes. I miss him when he is napping. During my first class I watched the clock and when it was his bedtime and my eyes teared up as I imagined Z putting him down. I don't want to miss a single second with this kid. I know he can teach me so much about how to enjoy life. My love for him was immediate, fierce, and will be forever.

So yes, we are stuck in purgatory right now. But honestly, purgatory isn't that bad. 



4 comments:

  1. Remind me to tell you my old professor's birth order theory--your boys fit it perfectly.

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  2. I love this post, Karen :)

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    1. Thanks, L! I'm in love with the cross stitch you did of your family! Best cover photo ever.

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