Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Where Art Thou Button Nose?

For more than a month I've been working on a post about how hard it is to be a toddler. And I just can't get it where I want it. There is other stuff I'd like to write about as well, but I'm feeling stuck. Having trouble getting the words down. And I have a new obsession in the form of Instagram which is taking up what could be blogging time. Yada, yada, yada. I basically have writers block.

In the meantime here's a little excerpt of a conversation between Z and me this evening. He's read it and agrees my transcription is pretty accurate. Yes, I am this much of a pain in the ass to live with.

Me, “Is my nose getting really big?” 
Z, ‘WHAT?” 
Me, “Is my nose getting bigger? I always thought I had a little nose, but it looks really big now.” 
Z, “Holy shit. I’m not going to answer that.” Pause “You nose can’t just GET BIGGER!” 
Me, “I read that your ears and nose never stop growing. So yes they can. And I think mine is.” 
Z, “Do you see the look on my face?” 
Me, “Yeah,” 
Z, “That’s the look I get when I’m trying not to whap you upside the head.” 
Me, “OK.” 
Z, “Look again, so you really see it.” 
Me, “But look at this picture from our wedding compared to now!” 
Z, “NO! No I will not! And look at my face again, because this face is very close to losing the battle not to whap you upside the head! LOOK AT ME!” 
Me, “Whatever. I’ll ask someone else.”

So this is September 3rd, 2000. 

As I was trying to find a wedding picture to illustrate my growing schnoz Z noticed what I was doing, "Really? Why are you doing this? Are you out of other things?" 
He means out of other things to be crazy about. And I'm not. I've still got tons of stuff to be crazy about. But when we first started dating he always talked about my little button nose. And recently in pictures there isn't anything button-like about my nose.  Where did the button nose go? Is a huge nose part of middle age? 

And this is today, 11 and half years later. What the fuck? Look at how much of my face is currently eaten up by my rapidly spreading nose!

This is a few weeks ago. If my nose can get that much bigger in 11 years how the hell is it going to look in another 11? I think I'm in major trouble here. And not just about the nose. Z keeps giving me the finger and the new improved I'm-strongly-considering-whapping-you-upside-the-head look. I'm not that worried, though. I think my nose will block the whap. 


  1. I just found out I was a Polygamist for 3 months when I stumbled across my divorce paperwork and read the fine print. I win the crazy contest for the day. Is my 2nd marriage even valid? This is what happens when you use LegalZoom for your divorce! Oops!

    And about the nose...yes it keeps growing BUT rhinoplasty is AMAZING if you see the right doctor. But right now I wouldn't say your nose is out of control, it looks normal to me. You should of seen mine! It was bulbous, like gross old man nose. YUCK. I would like to take this time to thank Dr. Diamond for saving me from ugly.

    1. I am so in love with the fact you were a Polygamist. We might be headed down to the city at the beginning of May and if that pans out I want to buy you a drink in honor of your law breaking. You can evaluate my nose in person. Your new one looks fab.

  2. Absolutely!!! I am having a Cinco de Mayo party on quatro de Mayo if you will be here. Bring whoever you want.

    As it turns out, my second marriage is not valid. I have been calling Danny my boyfriend for 2 days HA!! So fun. I am demanding a HUGE, 4 carat minimum, engagement ring if he wants me to make this legal. Hey, I know what I am signing up for this time...and trust me, I deserve it.

  3. My husband took a look at your blog post, as I was musing about it.

    For what it is worth, two strangers in Missouri do not think your nose looks one bit bigger than the wedding pictures.

    We are in some disagreement about whether ears continue to grow throughout life. However, my husband played the trump card by asking if I've ever seen anyone who is 90 and has small ears. This forced me into retreat.

    But back to your nose - I think it's lovely; quite button-y. I also found your little excerpt-o-conversation amusing.

    Thanks. :)

    Cathy in Missouri

    P.S. Hopefully it is not weird that I check in here every so often (obviously not knowing you) but if you want people to stay away, you're going to have to be more dull and less winsome.

    1. Oh Cathy, thank you so much for your kind comment! I'm thrilled that two people in Missouri who are strangers to me are reading. I recall that you've commented before. For what it is worth, I think Missouri is a lovely state. I went to half of first and all of second grade in Chesterfield, MO and have very pleasant memories of my time in the state. Especially of the fried raviolis. Yum.

  4. I was looking up the definition of a button nose because everyone has always said that I had one. Randomly found your blog post about your nose! Hmm... Your nose looks a tad bigger in the more recent photos but honestly that could be the lighting or camera angle. The nose itself doesn't look much bigger, it just looks more filled out on the ridge. It doesn't look drastically different.

    Random fact - if you gain a lot of weight in your face, your nose will get bigger. I've had friends whose noses looked very different after pregnancy. Even if you lose weight in your face it's nearly impossible to lose it in your nose so it stays the same.

  5. After having children many of our features can change. Like, the size of your feet and nose,as well as your breasts. If your lucky your body will go back to normal. I was not so lucky after my 2nd son.