Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Next Tattoo

Last Christmas Z gave me a gift certificate for a tattoo from the only guy I want to work on me. My very first tattoo wasn't done by him, but all my others were, and he actually added a bit to that first one. When you are a dork as big as I am entering a tattoo shop and procuring a tattoo is pretty stressful. Even though I am an enormous baby when it comes to pain, I hold it together while being tattooed. It would just be too humiliating to be that girl that couldn't hack it, I'd be confirming the suspicions of all the too-cool-for-school folks in the shop. But Charlie never made me feel that way, I've never seen him be anything but kind. He worked at a shop in Brooklyn when I was going to him, but a few years ago he moved to Baltimore and opened his own shop. When Z bought the gift certificate he was hoping we'd stop in Baltimore on the way home from our visit down south, that was before we knew I was pregnant. I called and asked my doc if it was cool for me to get a tattoo in the first trimester and was advised against it. I'm sure it would have been fine, but I was so spooked from my miscarriage that I wasn't willing to risk it. So we'll try and do it this year.

I'm thinking this will be one of my last pieces. The plan is to get something for the boys. I'd also like to get something small to remind me of the twins I lost. I'm on the hunt for a font I like. Because T was born on August 13, and C on August 31 I'd like to do a circle of the numbers 1 and 3, no ending, no beginning. Not sure if I want it around my arm just below my elbow or on the inside of my wrist. I do want it to be delicate, not the traditional lettering like my "vote" piece. Any and all suggestions of font and placement are welcome. I'm at a loss for the remembrance tattoo. Perhaps the date I found out I'd lost them, perhaps an infinity symbol. That one I want to be small and not as noticeable. Because it will be for me, rather than a public declaration.

So I've had tattoos on the brain. My parents really hate mine. It bothers me because I respect them so much, but I'm an adult and I am well equipped to make decisions concerning my body. I didn't get my first tattoo until I was 28, it wasn't an impulsive action. At this point my folks just try to ignore them. But shortly after I got the first one my mom told me what bothered her and my dad was they thought my body was perfect the way that it was when I was born and it pained them to see it altered. At the time I thought it was such a bogus reaction.  Eyes were definitely rolled. But a few weeks ago Z and I were bathing T. And I was marveling at his sweet and perfect little body. The thought that he might get a tattoo some day flashed through my mind. It was like a physical pain. I might have them, love them, and not regret them for a second, but the idea that my lovely little son would make the same choice? There were tears in my eyes.

I keep thinking that C is looking more and more like his own little person. But then I take a picture like this. And I get a strong sense of deja vu.  

Until I remember a picture I took two years ago. Does my uterus only know how to make one type of baby?

1 comment:

  1. I think you should get one of those old school bad ass sailor tattoo's, but instead of a big heart that says MOM, it should say SON. Then make them guess which one it is for.

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