Tuesday, April 19, 2011

New Dress and Victory

So I’m showing good and proper.  Enough that strangers are tentatively asking about it in public.  The smart friends from my last post told me the second time around you start to show much earlier because your body knows exactly what to do.  Heck, I had already gotten a little belly when I found out I miscarried last fall near the end of the first trimester.  During my first pregnancy I didn’t even put on a piece of maternity clothing until Mother’s Day when I was about 23 weeks.  I’m 21 weeks now and I’ve been rocking maternity garb for weeks.  Due to my aversion to food during the first half of pregnancy I’m just now approaching my pre-pregnancy weight.  I’m tubby when not pregnant, so you’d think I’d be grateful to not gain tons during pregnancy, but sincerely the nausea and vomiting is not worth it.  It’s not like I’m keeping a girlish figure, I’m still tubby so who cares if I’m super tubby or just kind of tubby, you know?  I would happily be super tubby if I didn’t have to feel like utter garbage. 

In fact, I threw up yesterday morning.  Hard.  I’d just gotten out of the shower and into my undies when it happened.  And one of the many charming things that happen to me when I’m pregnant is I pee a little when I vomit.  Or sneeze.  Or cough really hard.  Seriously.  I was angry that I was throwing up at 21 weeks to begin with.  And then I realized the undies I had on were my only clean pair, I mean they were clean for less than two minutes and then they weren’t clean anymore.  So I started the week going commando until I did laundry.  I’m not going to lie, there were tears.  It was kind of a gross day all around.  Someone very close to me was accidently unkind.  There were more tears.  Thankfully there was also a call to Z, who was awesome and said all the right things.  God, I love that guy.  And my extremely mild and nothing to worry about asthma flared up, which meant a volley of phone calls to the ObGyn's and my GP.  Honestly, I knew it was probably not a big deal, but I was worried.  The nice thing is doctors see pregnant ladies really fast so I got an appointment at my GP's and my lung function was tested and is normal.  Hopefully a few days of the inhaler will do the trick and get me feeling better. 

Obviously nothing seriously awful happened, but I was in a funk yesterday.  At the end of the day as Z and I sat on the sofa the New Guy started moving around.  I grabbed Z’s hand and threw it on my belly and Z felt New Guy for the first time.  That did turn things around for me.  Enough that I was feeling brave this morning.  I’m not a dress or skirt gal, but when I’m pregnant I really don’t like wearing pants.  I have a maternity dress with ¾ sleeves, but I hadn’t put it on yet.  Because my mom and sister gave it to me last summer before we found out I lost the baby.  Part of the way my crazy manifests is I assign “luck” to the objects in my life.  The dress felt cursed to me.  Even though I was sure I would have a miscarriage today I screwed up all my courage and put it on.  And I did not have a miscarriage.  It’s almost 9pm and I’m still wearing the dress and nothing terrible has happened.  In fact, this day has been light years better than yesterday.  And if I’m trying to be positive I should point out being pregnant at almost the exact same of year the second time around saves a lot of money.  I really don’t have to get any new maternity clothes. 

Yes, me being positive.  And wearing the dress I was scared to wear.  Two good things for today.  I'm going to go ahead and call it a victory.  

As someone with severe self esteem issues I am pretty careful about what pictures I post of myself.  This is along the lines of what I deem acceptable-hiding behind a hat and sweater.  Of course you can't really see the dress.

And here is the non-cursed dress. Z forced me to take off both the sweater and hat.  Posting this is very much outside my comfort zone.  But I'm trying to be brave.   

Moving on to something much more light hearted...We use this pottery canister as a trash can in our living room.  Suddenly T decided he needed to be in it.

And then he figured out he could pull his books of the bookcase from his new location.

 Mission accomplished.  And then he started shaking the bookcase.  That's when I ended his little game and declared the trash can off limits.  He was pretty bummed.


  1. Look at how effing cute you are in that dress! I would totally throw a belt on with that sucker post pregnancy.

  2. You look gorgeous and that dress is totally a great color for you!

  3. Would you like the perfect pregnancy outfit? From someone who thinks she knows and has never been pregnant?
    Baby doll dress with combat boots, circa 1993. I decided it's the best outfit to be pregnant in. It's cute, edgy and comfortable. You can puke all you want and just imagine you're Courtney Love (circa 1994, not current). Then when you're feeling better it invites some fun "roll playing" rockstar games to spice things up.
    I'm sure there would be an overload of them at the vintage store......since the kids today are still hung up with the 80's. It's so exciting, I might go get pregnant this weekend.

    (PS: your pics and dress are adorable. You're a true natural beauty.)

  4. Oh gals, thank you so much. I clearly fucked up, though. Z wasn't home to read the post and tell me it sounded like I was fishing for compliments, which is what I rely on him for. This post was supposed to be about the damn dress and not being over the miscarriage and how mental illness plays into that. But it's all too tied up in my self esteem problems, which are legion, and impossible to talk about without making it sound like I need some pats on the back. I should have known better.

    That all said, I'm liking the baby doll dress advice. Would have to find combat boots, though. Or borrow Z's and stuff socks down the front so they'd fit.

  5. Fishing? Every girl asks the same damn question every day before she leaves her house.

    Doc Martins!! I still have mine from 1993, waiting for their comeback.

  6. Absolutely gorgeous in every way, O Lady of the Perfect Skin. And believe you me, if I had fashion issues with these pics, you would hear it!


    P.S. More dresses! Yes yes!

  7. You look beautiful, Karen! And I had the peeing/vomiting problem when pregnant too. Being pregnant sucks balls. Hugs to you, your adorable T, and the new guy.

  8. L, thank you thank you thank you for sharing you had the pee/vomit thing, too. No one I know has dealt with that particular pregnancy peccadillo, and even though the doc told me it is totally normal it makes me feel like less of a freak to hear it another real live person went through it as well.