Sunday, February 13, 2011

And Now For Something Completely Different....MORE ANXIETY!

One of my pregnancy books from the first time around has a week by week section for both the baby and the mother.  For all 40 weeks you can take a gander at exactly where you and the baby are developmentally.  Naturally, my copy is by the john.  It’s been there since we moved into this house the week before T was born, and I’ve been too lazy to pack it away.  This summer I’d look at it ever week and think about the little growing thing in my belly.  When I found out the thing hadn’t been growing for weeks even though I was sure I was still pregnant I felt so pathetic about my hopeful little bathroom reading trips.  Although the book continued to live next to my toilet after the miscarriage and during this current pregnancy (Seriously!  Lazy!) I haven’t cracked it open during this pregnancy.  And then on Thursday afternoon I did.  And I didn’t spontaneously miscarry. 

On Thursday morning we were back at the doctor’s office for another ultrasound to make sure we were on track.  And we were.  We are.  For the first time the little fetus was really looking like a baby.  I was asking if there was still a heartbeat with an edge of hysteria in my voice and the doctor said, “Um, do you see it moving around?  It couldn’t do that without a heart beat!”  It was cool to see him/her moving those little arms and legs.  The heartbeat did sound strong, the doctor was very positive.  And when I go back in two weeks I’ll actually be in the second trimester. 

I’m hoping the terrible anxiety will ease up a bit.  It’s hard not to feel like I’m jinxing the pregnancy just by typing this, but things seem to be going well.  Unfortunately the pregnancy is not the only thing that is causing anxiety lately.  When stressful life stuff starts happening and I’m already having anxiety problems I really don’t seem to be able to function at all.  One of our cars is dying a slow death.  We can’t afford to replace it, but we also can’t really afford to keep on fixing it.  We are more than $1500 into this piece of junk just since the fall.  And the check engine light keeps coming on.  Then going off for a day.  Then coming on again.  And Uncle Sam is still nipping at our heels over the tax rebate from last year.  That one is so very frustrating because we are in the right.  But now they want a document I shredded late this summer (Because I was trying to clean stuff up.  Because I was positive there was no way we would ever need it again.  Hell, we sold the place almost 2 years ago.  Why would I have to prove we rented it out back in 2006 to anyone?).  And of course the management company for the co-op can’t find their copy.  I’ve had to track down the former tenant (good old facebook!) and ask him to waste his time looking for a copy of the lease.  I only have until next Thursday to sort this puppy out.  Because I wasted the first 7 days of the 15 day time limit being paralyzed with fear.  Way to make the situation even more dire!

On top of that junk I got a mild stomach bug on Friday.  It’s hard to figure out if it really is a bug or if it is just anxiety when you are pregnant and have IBS.  Z was sure it was the latter.  But yesterday T had a little diarrhea, and then this afternoon he had A LOT of diarrhea.  And Z admitted his stomach was really upset yesterday and he was mildly nauseated, which never happens.  So it looks like it really was a bug.  But today I’m feeling better.  And I’m gearing up to really attack this IRS thing tomorrow.  I have to.  We don’t really have $8,000+ to give back to them.  And we shouldn’t need to!  We didn’t do anything wrong!  But please do wish me luck.  Both on not ignoring the problem in the hopes it magically goes away and on facing the big bad IRS.  I really need it.  

And finally, in completely unrelated news, T is 18 months old today.  Not a big deal, but it makes me happy.
He seriously is obsessed with the bouncy seat.  I love when he gets all the way in.  He even pushed the switch on so the damn thing vibrates.  It's his massage chair.

The lion plays music.  T plays DJ.


  1. Karen,

    I'm an old friend. I heard "November Rain" on the radio and thought of you, which led me to look you up on the ol' interweb. Just wanted to let you know I think you're special. Congrats to you and best wishes with you and your family!

    -David (from 8th and 9th grade at Robinson)

  2. Wow, David. Thanks for looking me up. I hope you are doing well, and I've thought about you fondly over the years.

  3. Thanks. I'm happily married, have kids and a dog...the whole 9. I became a military officer after college, so we've traveled quite a bit. Life is good.