Thursday, September 30, 2010

Positive


This week I have been following through and doing things on the dreaded to-do list.  Part of my chronic anxiety is I am a world class procrastinator.  I dread seeing how little money we have in the checking account so I put off paying the bills.  I’m anxious about leaving the house so we don’t have any food and need to order take out.  Which doesn’t help the checking account balance.  And the circle continues and continues and continues. 

But just like anticipation of telling the swimming lesson lady I had a miscarriage was worse than the reality, so is doing stuff on the list.  Completing these tasks have not only made me feel great, but helped me to realize it actually is easier to just do them rather than spend all my energy dreading them.  I just hope I can remember this when I start to feel overwhelmed and shut down.  But either way I am doing it now and damn it, that is a positive thing.

I’m not good at recognizing the positive, and clearly I don't write about it often.  But even with the pain of the miscarriage there is a lot of good going on around here.  I won’t bore you with the list.  So how about some pictures of T and Z from the other night when I actually enameled for the first time since we moved here.  It felt really good to do something creative and my boys were being particularly adorable that night.  So.  Short and sweet and positive today with a bunch of pictures…




I love how he clutches the sides of Z's head.  Much better than grabbing the hair like he used to.


We put him near yummy drinks like Tung oil.  


And we only give him the safest toys like wooden mallets.


And we carefully seat him near the edge of tables.




I do love these two.


2 comments:

  1. Did you mention T drank the champagne?

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  2. Good for you for getting yourself going. I was in class all weekend, and thought of you when the teacher mentioned that women can suffer from postpartum depression after a miscarriage, given the hormones that were activated, not to mention the obvious. Point being, keep doing things that make you feel better, and the process that you're going through is very chemically complicated, so notice the negative lens for what it is: not your fault.

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