Saturday, August 21, 2010


Here’s a quickie…

Since T was born I’ve thought a lot about love. What new parent doesn’t? I’ve written about it before, but it drives me bonkers when existing parents tell expectant parents that they don’t know what love is until they have a child. That sentiment insults me so much. I feel like it trivializes the kind of love you feel in your life before parenthood. And those who choose to remain childless? Does this mean they go through their lives never really experiencing love? What an ignorant and insulting thought!

And yet the love a parent has for a child is a powerful thing. I maintain that I do not love T more than I love Z. And I don’t want to love T more. Part of it is self preservation. In 20 years T is going to be out of my daily life. But, God willing, Z will still be in it. I don’t want to forget our relationship, or put it on the backburner because our relationship is my every single day for forever.

But back to the love for a child—here is my theory for what it is worth; the love you feel for a baby is the easiest love in the world. Parenting is hard work, but loving that little creature is so effortless it is insane. My love for Z is unbelievably difficult in comparison. We need to work on it all the time. In fact, it became so hard a few years ago we almost abandoned it. I know T will drive me crazy over the years, but I don’t see it ever getting harder to love him. Who knows, maybe I’ll be completely wrong. I’ll have to remember to revisit it in a decade...

Yup, loving him is the easiest thing in the world.


  1. My mom taught me as a kid that you always have to put your spouse first, because without them you wouldn't have your kids. I think that was some of the best advice she gave me, because you are right that it doesn't always come naturally like it does for your children. You have to work at it, and it IS worth the effort. Because we are married to some pretty outstanding guys.

  2. Michelle, you are right about us being married to a couple of awesome guys! I think part of the reason this issue is so important to me is awesome couples split all the time. I want to remember I need to work at the relationship so I don't wake up in 5 years and find it has gotten away from me. Also, it sounds like your mom was a pretty smart lady.